Thick Skin: Julia Allison, Internet Hate & Women Online

By Cate Sevilla

Internet hate, trollage and bitching is something we're all very familiar with.

On a small level, each of us deals with it on a daily basis. A shitty email, a snarky reply on Twitter, a snub on Facebook...

And then there are people who deal with mass amounts of hatred online. People with strong opinions, women who are brave enough to put themselves out there, and those who love controversy get royally shit on.

Do they deserve it?

I don't believe that someone, anyone would deserve to be threatened online. To have slanderous, gossipy comments made about them in a very, very public way.

No matter how much you disagree with someone's politics or opinions, there's no need to be nasty.

Yesterday, Julia Allison, Loren Feldman, Paul Carr (and for a brief moment, BitchBuzz's pal Milo Yiannopoulos) all sat down to discuss Internet Hate.

Feldman and Allison have a history of internet hatred between them, as he's publicly mocked her struggle with bulimia and said many, many other derogatory things about her.

Paul Carr, who is friends with both Julia and Loren, brought the two together to discuss internet hatred, and to see if they could work their shit out.

It was ultimately a very interesting conversation. Watching Loren and Julia discussing - like actual grown-up adults - the things Loren has said, why he has the opinions he does, and how Julia responded was fascinating to watch. Like a fucked up "When Internet Nemeses Meet IRL" social experiment.

It became apparent that behind all of Lorens snide comments, he means well. (Really.) He's a complete asshole about it, but at the end of the day, it seems as though he just wants what all of us want from Julia, which is for her to be herself on NonSociety. Feldman also made it clear that he thinks if she could be incredibly successful if she just let loose a bit.

Carr asked Loren if it's "easier for him as a guy" to just sit back and tell Julia that she should just tell Reblogging to fuck off  as "women on the Internet get a lot of shit anyway". Loren responded that, "Absolutely women get it worse than men. No question."

Carr further pushed Loren on the issue of men and women online, and pointed out that it was "easy" for Loren to "lecture" Julia and say that she should just go "who gives a fuck", and Loren replied that he says the same things to "that big pussy Arrington" and that it's not a "man-woman thing".

He says if you want to "win this game" you have to have a "thick skin".

So women get it worse than men, but it's not sexist and we just need to have a thicker skin?

In my opinion, Julia Allison has an incredibly thick skin. Lots of the female bloggers and online personalities out there have a thick skin. It's just a matter or experience, isnt' it? You have to find your own way to deal with it. Some people will never figure it out, and they'll either stop blogging, or find it to be a torturous, horrific thing. And then there are some people who do figure out how to cope with the negatie bullshit said about them online, and they'll be able to enjoy the ride.

Would Allison be given more respect if she told Reblogging to fuck off? Maybe. But then they're always going to find another way to hate her, aren't they?

I suppose it annoyed me a little as the tone of the interview felt very "How can we fix Julia?" and came across as, "We'll be nicer to you if you fix A, B and C." It's her fault, she needs to change. But in Feldman's advice to just tell everyone who's an asshole to fuck off, he did say that she should just tell him to fuck off, too.

Which, hopefully, one day she will.




POSTED IN: TECH
Tue, 16 Jun 2009 11:28 (GMT+00)
6 Responses
1.

Why would anyone think she could be a new media success? Her nonsociety blog has the sort of content that people used to put on their Angelfire or Geocities websites ten years ago - pictures of their pets, vacation pictures, 'deep thoughts' they found on the web.

It just doesn't look like she has any talent or anything to say, and she's gotten by so far by making friends with influential people.

Pierre Goubert
Tue, 16-Jun-2009 13:58 GMT
2.

Pierre, well done - you totally missed the point of this post, which was let's NOT pour hate on women online, just because they are there.

Whatever your opinion on Julia, she has got herself known as a web celebrity through her own hard work (she blogs, does freelance writing, produces and stars in her own web series, which she suceeded in getting funding for). She's got a degree and worked for a congressman and been a Time Out columnist. She has plenty to say.

It clearly does bug people that she's made influential friends and is pretty and that she's been able to parlay that into TV appearances and huge blog readership figures. But why all the hate? If you don't like her, don't read or watch her - isn't that the end of it?

Loren's comments sound like a typical bully/abuser: it's for the victim's own good. No it isn't. It's to fill some void in your own soul, and don't pretend otherwise. If you know what you're saying is mean, why say it? Who elected you arbiter of the internet? Would you be that big of a bully in real life?

I really don't understand why women (or men, but most of the web-hate is aimed at women) should have to have thick skins. Can't 'don't be a prick' be the new internet motto?

Diane
Tue, 16-Jun-2009 15:55 GMT
3.

Unfortunately, I think being a visible person online means you DO have to have a thick skin, it doesn't necesarily mean it's JA's fault she gets so much shit, it just comes with the territory. The anonymous nature of commenting makes people meaner.

maria
Tue, 16-Jun-2009 18:18 GMT
4.

Having been in the position of being a "woman getting shit online" - I have to agree with Maria here - it's part of the territory. Right or wrong, it happens and will probably continue happening as long as there is no way to hold people accountable for their online misconduct. It's kind of a case of either suck it up, grow a thick skin and keep shit in perspective (as in: it is JUST THE INTERNET.) Or... GTFO and stay out of the way of the shit flinging. Either option is fine, both preserve your sanity... While I have -personally- been known to whine about people being nasty to me online, I'm kind of growing impatient with whining on that topic both from myself and others. It's pointless and only attracts more negative attention - a lesson I'm trying to learn myself. Yah - grow a thick skin or GTFO.

THOUGH FROM A MORAL STANDPOINT: I don't care how much you dislike someone (personally I am not a JA or NonSociety fan) - it makes you look like a class A douchebag to trash people online. Even though it gets the clicks, it's not a very right way to behave towards another person. If you're at all a good person at heart you have to have a little voice in the back of your head saying "don't do that - it's so low road - don't do that, you dumbass!"

I know I do, it sounds just like my Mom - the queen of taking the high road. ;)

Kate
Wed, 17-Jun-2009 18:39 GMT
5.

"Having been in the position of being a "woman getting shit online" - I have to agree with Maria here - it's part of the territory."

But why? Why should it be? That seems to be Loren's standpoint too and I don't think we should accept it unquestioningly, especially when it's not even someone anonymous who's the perpetrator. Why should women have to accept being treated like crap online? I reject this whole "thick skin" thing -- let's all behave like grown-ups, instead. Reasoned criticism is one thing, vomiting puppets is quite another...

Diane
Thu, 18-Jun-2009 09:48 GMT
6.

I don't think - and, ladies correct me if I'm wrong - that we mean to intimate that we should accept this unquestioningly, Diane -- though I do think that if you are preparing to launch yourself into this public sphere you have to be prepared for the downsides as well as the upsides that go along with the recognition you will likely gain over time...

It's kind of like celebs and the paparazzi -- the way the latter behaves towards the former is wrong, very wrong -- but, no one has figured out how to make them go away as of yet, so celebs have to deal with them...

It's all well and good to say "let's behave like grown-ups" -- I'm 100% for that, you have my full support -- but, sadly we can't control the behavior of everyone else online -- and, until there is an effective way to monitor, track and shut down people who harass others online, behavior of assholes probably won't change because there is no way to hold them accountable for their actions.

Trust me -- I wish there were -- I've had a lot of shitty shit said about me online, a lot untrue, a lot very hurtful and it is a fantasy of mine that someday someone will burst into the homes of the people who've trashed me and confiscate their computer and mobile devices so they can't play on these here innerwebs anymore...

Unlikely that fantasy will come true.

In the meantime - it's important to continue discussions about this topic as a way to illuminate the damage done, etc. And, if you're a woman (or, anyone, really) looking to become "Net Famous" just be prepared for what can and (most likely) will happen to you once you gain some notoriety.

Thick skin is for YOUR protection. Be aware, be prepared... don't take it personally, it's just assholes on the innerwebs talkin' shit again...

And, again - behave as you want people to behave towards you... (not that it helps, it just gives you the moral high ground.)

Kate
Mon, 06-Jul-2009 06:01 GMT

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