When I sent in my last piece to Cate on the lady SXSWi preview, I included a note about how the women led panels appeared to be extremely similar, and I called it a "pink ghetto ", the same term often applied to women writers online and how all we ever seem to do is be able to write about sex. While at SXSWi, I realized that three of the panels I was attending were all in the same room, all panels about being a woman online and also, about the perils of dating online.
Another pink ghetto, but this time: an actual room. I'm not complaining here: clearly I was in the same room over and over again because these are the things I'm interested in hearing about: how the Internet affects real life and what's happening as both of those things are becoming one and the same. But, it's still fascinating to me how this is what we're still doing: chicks talking about our feelings.
If there was one theme to these panels, it was cover your ass, lady. In the Internet talked about in these discussions, all women online hate each other, the worst thing that can ever happen to you is to be called a "cunt" online and anything can be construed as harassment.
There were however, solutions presented: Violet Blue outlined a plan of action in her panel "Sexual Exploitation, Sexual Expression and Self-Defense" to people being harassed online (report everything to the authorities, document everything, don't play dirty and don't assume that a website's TOS will protect you). At "Sex Lives Of The Microfamous" moderated by the Pam and Tommy Lee of the Internet, Nick Douglas and Melissa Gira Grant, one answer to the problem of people talking trash about you online was to out-SEO your trolls. Just keep producing more content with your name attached so eventually your haters are at the end of the Google results.
Another idea which was brought up at my panel, A Brief History of Growing Up Online, in response to a question about cyber-bullying, was to find a community that will welcome you. An interesting point echoing this sentiment mentioned at "Why Is Professional Blogging Bloodsport For Women? " is to know your audience. If you're posting on somethingawful or 4chan, those arenas aren't the most woman friendly. That's not going to be the place to find support.
There's no doubt that being a woman online or, more importantly presenting as a woman online, can come with a slew of bullshit attacks but I find that focusing on this particular aspect to be problematic. It creates an attitude of fear: that everyone online is out to get you and anyone showing you any kind of attention is a "stalker". Not only is that false, it also devalues the people who do get stalked and harassed online in a real way. It is entirely possible to be a woman online and not get called names. It's possible not to get into "catfights". And guess what, the boys get into pissing contests as well.
The most effective response to this discussion was brought up at the Blogging Bloodsport presenation: a woman self described as a "second wave femenist" brought up the fact that here we were, discussing how hard it was to be called names on the Internet, while the only female Supreme Court justice was dying. Which is more important? Which deserves more of our attention?
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