I love gadgets. I get so excited by the prospect of a shiny new toy that once I have the idea of whatever it is in my head I can’t get it out. I’ve been this way ever since my eighth birthday when I was convinced that what I really needed at that point in my life was a Franklin Spellmaster – who knows why; I was pretty good at spelling.
There’s just something insanely satisfying about pressing buttons to get a clever little device to do something that you could do yourself but it would take you at least thirty seconds longer. So in celebration of my love for great but ultimately pointless stuff, here are my top five unnecessary gizmos that you’d still willingly buy:
Anything made out of Lego
There can’t be many among us who don’t already own at least one camera, and if you’re not in the business of protecting and serving then surely the advent of the mobile phone destroyed any real need you ever had for a walkie-talkie. But it’d be totally worth the money to buy these lego-inspired creations just so they could sit on your shelf and look awesome, whilst a thin, sad layer of dust gently settles on top of them.
Image via kidstechreview.com
Mini Convertible Openmeter
Living in a country that is more often rain-soaked than not, it’s always been a bit of mystery why the Brits bother to invest in convertible cars. But with the promise of a long, hot summer on its way, Mini has seized the opportunity to help you make the most of it (or perhaps rub your face in it when the lovely weather fails to materialise) by measuring how long you have the top down on your Mini Convertible. Despite the rubbish name, the Openmeter will satisfy the statistician in you until even that part of you can finally admit that the information garnered by this £100 add-on is, in fact, utterly pointless and dull.
Image via automobilemag.com
Metal detector
Gone are the days of the lone scavenger tirelessly sweeping the beach at dusk for old 50p pieces – metal detecting these days is about serious treasure hunting. Settle for nothing less than something that looks as though it could be used to wage war on a small country and get down to your local park/beach/field/deserted island. After half a days’ hardcore treasure hunting you’ll no doubt find something worth millions, at which point you can put the metal detector in the cupboard and never use it again. £730 well spent.
Image via metaldetectorsforless.com
Robopanda
Perfect for anyone who ever lusted after Haley Joel Osment’s walking, talking teddy bear in Artificial Intelligence: AI, Robopanda will serenade you with lullabies, share stories and jokes and even crawl around the room to keep you company. Until, like the Furby before him, you’re forced to remove his batteries, put him in a padlocked bag inside a box full of bricks and then sink him in the nearest river for fear that he might actually have taken on a life of his own and be out for your blood.
Image via Wowee's Flickr
Anything from JML
As a company that seems to lurk on the edges of innovation, hoovering up all the slightly crackpot inventions that failed to get funding of their own, JML’s range of gadgets and gizmos is a little overwhelming. From Toastabags (make toasted sandwiches in one foul swoop) to Bobbleoff (shave off the bobbles on your old woollen clothes) there’s something to make every fiddly household job that little bit easier.
Well, you’ll get a good five minutes use out of them until you realise you don’t strictly need to make cheese toasties because you’ve stopped eating bread and gone vegan, and actually those bobbly old clothes have a certain shabby-chic about them that you’re quite fond of.
Image via JMLDirect